Ruby Reads Playbills

Just to spice things up a little for Bessie and Bea, I thought I'd get my column in on time... (before 10 counts as on time, doesn't it? Really, what civilized work can be done before then?)

I do love summer, and am ever so sad to see it spin its final days. There has been much to savor this season, from barbecues with friends and artsy events to festivals where one could feast their senses: music (blues, jazz, folk, Weird Al, and all points in between); world culture; art; and theatre.

With the latter in mind, I thought I would do a wee change from "Books That Should Have Been" to "Plays I Should Have Seen". Such a surfeit of choice! My mind first began to wander this way when I saw an advertisement for Genghis Khan's Guide to Etiquette. Who *wouldn't* want to know the ins and outs of pillage and plunder?! I bet there's a correct order and everything. One wouldn't want to lose face by improper form during conquest...

There are so many other plays that should have been, but two that most suit my mood (and boggle my mind) would be SUCH fun to write advertisements for (pardon my dangling participle ... mixed company and all, you know). The first? Yet another rendition of that perennial favorite, The Sound of Music. I have been fortunate enough to see it in a variety of circumstances, but there is one genre that has not yet adapted it, and it is one which I would most like to experience: imagine Maria and the children depicted entirely by... mimes.

The second? This one would clock in rather longer, including several intermissions, and need a much bigger budget for costumes. But who wouldn't benefit from an evening in the open air, hearing War and Peace declaimed in the dulcet style of... Bollywood?

It gives one pause...

Until next Wednesday, duckies. Ruby intends to spend one last lazy summer afternoon blowing bubbles and shopping for school supplies before next week's review of Textbooks That Should Have Been. Ta ta!
Love, Ruby

Introducing ...

the lovely, the talented, Ruby Wednesday. Ruby will be providing some scrumptious filling for our creative sandwich on Wednesdays with her wonderfully wacky book reviews of volumes that should have been. We know you'll just eat it up!
Love,
Bessie

Heeeeeeere's Ruby!

Hallo, duckies! It's so lovely to begin a new adventure here at Creative Sandwich. I feel like a garnish -- something on the side to add a bit of color and crunch. I am so happy to be on the same plate as Bessie and Bea-- you're in for a real treat!

This column is dedicated to Books that Should Have Been. I'll share a few of my favorites every week. If you have any you'd like to add, please write me care of Creative Sandwich. In addition to my gratitude, you'll get full credit and assorted bon mots.

This week's offerings:

You may have heard of Armchair Travelers. Well, I am an armchair exerciser. I prefer to raise a healthy glow by turning pages rapidly, and did they ever turn rapidly in this slim little volume!

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Guide to Dog Training. I thought perhaps he was using his Terminator Techniques on terriers instead of terrorists, but no! The Governor of California has actually given directions on using one's pets as personal equipment. I suppose that makes just as much sense as using them as fashion accessories...

I was hooked from the very first chapter: Of Chin Ups and Chihuahuas. This is perfect for those of us of a certain age who are beginning to look as though we have dewlaps. I shan't spoil the secret except to say that I expect to have a neck worth necking with by Christmas!

A certain young David of my acquaintance remarked it was good to see a government official being so frugal: he was training himself and his animal at the same time. Touché! I am still not sure how he got those Saint Bernards to hang on to the barbells though...

The part on Shih Tzu Massage was priceless, as were the Cooling Down With Your Collie diagrams. Makes me want to run right out and rent a pet! Ah, well. You know what they say: No Great Dane, No Pain!

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All that reading about exercise certainly does work up a hunger! Well, I have just the appetizer --

Marie Curie's Slow Cooker Recipes. Whether you are in the laboratory working against a deadline, or lolling about in the lavatory the Morning After, it's so nice to have a little Something on the Simmer! My personal favorites were Bunsen Burner Bourguignonne and Poached Pears in a Petri dish. The Radiated Ragoût was a bit of a miss, though...

What this madame could have done with a microwave...

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I was hoping to have a third for you, but I am not quite finished translating. My interests ran more to the Conjugal than to the Conjugation in French class (I sat behind a muy handsome garcon). I believe it might be a rare (one might say revolutionary) 18th century treatise on parenting, by none other than Robespierre!

Until next time -- this is Ruby, cooing "Could Have; Should Have... I will! Next Wednesday."

Good-bye -- and good reading!!