Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Introducing ...

the lovely, the talented, Ruby Wednesday. Ruby will be providing some scrumptious filling for our creative sandwich on Wednesdays with her wonderfully wacky book reviews of volumes that should have been. We know you'll just eat it up!

Heeeeeeere's Ruby!

Hallo, duckies! It's so lovely to begin a new adventure here at Creative Sandwich. I feel like a garnish -- something on the side to add a bit of color and crunch. I am so happy to be on the same plate as Bessie and Bea-- you're in for a real treat!

This column is dedicated to Books that Should Have Been. I'll share a few of my favorites every week. If you have any you'd like to add, please write me care of Creative Sandwich. In addition to my gratitude, you'll get full credit and assorted bon mots.

This week's offerings:

You may have heard of Armchair Travelers. Well, I am an armchair exerciser. I prefer to raise a healthy glow by turning pages rapidly, and did they ever turn rapidly in this slim little volume!

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Guide to Dog Training. I thought perhaps he was using his Terminator Techniques on terriers instead of terrorists, but no! The Governor of California has actually given directions on using one's pets as personal equipment. I suppose that makes just as much sense as using them as fashion accessories...

I was hooked from the very first chapter: Of Chin Ups and Chihuahuas. This is perfect for those of us of a certain age who are beginning to look as though we have dewlaps. I shan't spoil the secret except to say that I expect to have a neck worth necking with by Christmas!

A certain young David of my acquaintance remarked it was good to see a government official being so frugal: he was training himself and his animal at the same time. Touché! I am still not sure how he got those Saint Bernards to hang on to the barbells though...

The part on Shih Tzu Massage was priceless, as were the Cooling Down With Your Collie diagrams. Makes me want to run right out and rent a pet! Ah, well. You know what they say: No Great Dane, No Pain!


All that reading about exercise certainly does work up a hunger! Well, I have just the appetizer --

Marie Curie's Slow Cooker Recipes. Whether you are in the laboratory working against a deadline, or lolling about in the lavatory the Morning After, it's so nice to have a little Something on the Simmer! My personal favorites were Bunsen Burner Bourguignonne and Poached Pears in a Petri dish. The Radiated Ragoût was a bit of a miss, though...

What this madame could have done with a microwave...


I was hoping to have a third for you, but I am not quite finished translating. My interests ran more to the Conjugal than to the Conjugation in French class (I sat behind a muy handsome garcon). I believe it might be a rare (one might say revolutionary) 18th century treatise on parenting, by none other than Robespierre!

Until next time -- this is Ruby, cooing "Could Have; Should Have... I will! Next Wednesday."

Good-bye -- and good reading!!


arlene said...

My Favorite Blog just got better! I am so excited to see this new and cutting edge feature on an already delightfully tasty destination. Blogland rejoices!

xo arlene

creative sandwich's lovely proprietors said...

Dear Ruby,

Welcome to Creative Sandwich. We are so pleased to have your wit, charm and considerable beauty associated with our humble blog.

If I could just run out and buy these volumes I would do so in a heartbeat! I've been trying to toast crumpets in the barn, on a little stove, when what I needed was a good lab. Brilliant Darling!

I can hardly wait for next week.

Thank you for sharing. I must run and shoo the corgis off the bench so I can press them now!

xo Bea